bent mind

creating this blog is a diversion from a mind that is bent, quite in half, and i am not alone among the death of a friend's child. one who went to the hospital on tuesday for a cold and passed on saturday dec 23. my hands shake. i forgot to pull around and get the groceries at costco yesterday. a mother from my childs school, one i do not know well called to leave my friends address and told me she loved me. it was an accident, her mind is bent too. i laughed hard then started to cry. i cannot do housework or work. or imagine my friends heart right now. my hands still shake. death has been around me all year. looming. threatening to take one of my friends by way of cancer, haunting my father in law with old age, my sister with crystal meth. i know nothing of death but fear and darkness. it seems it is waiting on me to learn something. i try to fear not but i really only hold those words close to my chest for when i need them.